The Clone Paradox

I am a philosopher scientist who is researching human clones. I want to know if it is possible to make an exact replica of a person. So, after many months of meticulous studying, researching, and prototyping, I design and build a working cloning machine. The cloning process is relatively simple. Someone steps into the front half of the machine, presses a button inside to activate it, and after a moment, a clone steps out of the back half of the machine.

I am ecstatic to have created the world's first cloning device. Of course, to make sure it worked, I had to give it a try. I stepped into the machine, pressed the button, and waited. There was some whirring, some noises I could only describe as “laser-like,” some mechanical clunking, and finally the exhale of pressure releasing from the other side as its doors opened. And, footsteps! I exited my half of the machine, eager to see what had been produced.

And there was someone else! A whole nother human, who looked exactly like me, was wearing the same gray slacks and white lab coat as me, and looked at me with the same smile beaming with amazement as I had on myself.

“Hello, me!” I laughed.

“It worked!” The clone laughed back. She seemed to know exactly who she was and what had just occurred.

“This is wonderful,” I say. “How do you feel?”

“I feel as you would imagine I might. Exactly like I was generated just a moment ago by our device of supernatural proportions. I feel hot, like steam could be expelling from my ears like a locomotive in motion. My head feels like there’s a landed fish flapping and flopping about inside.” She looks to the lab bench. “Mind if I?”

My clone pulled out a tucked chair and took a seat at one of the lab benches. I went over to her and placed the back of my hand on her forehead. She was hot like she said. I got her a glass of cold water and watched her take a drink. As she lifted the glass to her lips and sipped, I swore my throat performed the same peristalsis motion as hers at the very same time she swallowed herself.

“I think our experiment was a success,” she smiled after her lengthy sip.
“Our experiment?” I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one that spent all those hours researching, designing, and building this device. All you’ve ever done was take a few steps and a sip of water!”

“You’re right, but I can remember all of those hours studying and putting it together too, like I was the very one to do so. I could also swear I was the one to press the button inside the machine as well.”

My clone and I were equally as amazed with this conversation that was taking place between us. As we would be.
“You do remember stepping out of the back half of the machine, correct?” I asked. Although, as soon as I said it, for a moment I felt like I could recollect myself stepping out the rear end of the machine.

“I do,” she murmured. “I am quite aware I am the clone and not the original. I came out of the machine after you had stepped in and pushed the button. However I remember stepping in and pressing the button like I was the one to do it moments ago too. I am thinking the only difference between us is that you are the body that stepped in and I am the body that stepped out.”

My clone, despite her freshly animated fluster, was doing exactly what I thought to be doing at that very moment too. She had picked up a pen and was rapidly writing notes on the sheets I had prepared to document my results.

I followed and picked up a pen and wrote some things down as well. After a few moments of this, we swapped papers. And, to our surprise and yet equally none at all, we wrote the same exact words on the same exact lines- the papers could have been photocopies of each other.

“This is revolutionary! What a success! We are incredible! We are the most amazing person that has ever been!” My clone broke out in laughter at her last exclamation and I did too.

For some time we sat across from each other at the lab bench, writing up our notes. We were quiet for a bit, until she spoke further.

“What do you think Mom would think?” she asked me.

“She probably wouldn’t know who to hug first, me or you!”

My clone laughs again. “I could see her being scared too. She only ever wanted one child and we, I mean you, were the perfect one. Don’t you think seeing the two of us could’ve scared her as well?”

“Maybe,” I say. Mom had been gone for awhile now but I imagine she watches me from a higher place. I think of her often so maybe I should have expected my clone to bring her up with me, but I hadn’t. My very clone had caught me off guard.

“Do you think she would have treated us the same or would you always be the real daughter and I only your mere clone?”

“You and I both know what she thought of our more metaphysical experiments.”

Both of us, in sync, echoed the words she had exclaimed to me many, many times: “If God would have wanted it, He would have done it!” And we shared a most soulful laugh between us.

We continued writing notes and making the most lighthearted and existential of conversations that could ever take place between a woman and her clone.

As our day at the lab came to a close, we tidied up and gathered our notes into order. We walked out of the building together, my clone knowing exactly where our car was parked in the lot. She got into the passenger seat and I the driver's, and I drove us home. I let my clone have my bed and I took the couch for the night.

The next day at the lab, I burned all my notes. I disassembled the cloning machine and destroyed its most intricate parts. On a fresh sheet of paper, I marked my experiment as a failure. I reported my findings that creating an exact other of a person through the use of a cloning machine is to my knowledge, impossible.
 

The Outer Space Cafe

After my english class
I asked the girl who sits behind me
If she wanted to grab some tea together
I said I know a good place
Where they diffuse the tea in
Little diffusers that look like stars
None of that bagged stuff

She said "sure"
I said it's a little bit aways

She said “that's fine I'm done with classes for the day”
We put on our backpacks and walk out of the classroom
And continue outside side by side
We cross the quad
I said I know a shortcut

I led her to the physics building
Opened the door and let her walk in first
We went to the physics lab and
Over to the storage closet
Where they keep the scales
And the mirrors and the pendulums
And the springs and the stopwatches
We step inside

Shutting the door
I plucked a hanging string
Turning on the single light with a satisfying click
Just me and the girl from my english class
In a lab storage closet in the physics building
Give me a minute I told her
And got to work
I picked a stopwatch off of
One of the lower shelves
And set the hands to
A particular arrangement

And there were some devices
With switches and cords
I knew which buttons to press
This one, this one, and this one, on
This plug in there, that wire around here

Put these on I said, handing her a pair of shaded safety goggles
I put a pair on myself
I had one more switch to flip from off to on
And with my forefinger flicked it

And sparks flew out from the wires!
And all the batteries buzzed!
And the arms of every stopwatch in the room
Began to spin wildly

Some of the springs began to distend and retract
Masses for the balances began to oppose gravity, falling to the ceiling
The closet shook like there was an earthquake
The girl from my english class held my arm
So I held hers too

That was only for a few moments
Then the room stopped shaking
The equipment all settled
We're here I said

I opened the door and let her out first
We step out of the closet and into
The outer space cafe
That's what I call it anyway, none of the signs are in english

Like any other cafe, wooden floors and comfy chairs
A little bar against the window so that the patrons
Can observe the scenery as they enjoy their drink
A large glass counter containing fruit filled pastries
Behind which a few baristas meticulously play with
Grinders and presses and roasters
And syrups and herbs and juices

Tea's on me I said
We approach the barista
Two of your shooting star blend, please
I throw a couple of double A batteries on the counter
The barista, strikingly human, gives us a nod

We take a seat at the bar against the window
It's very clear that this is not Earth
We are looking out at a celestial sky
With colorful nebulas and planets
The astral space before us is illuminated by
Thousands and thousands of stars
And colorful galaxies splattered like neon paints

We observe the pretty scene outside
The girl from my english class is smiling
I'm happy she likes the view
The barista brings out our teas
The mugs are shaped like little rocket ships
And the diffusers in them are shaped like stars

We watch the space before us
Flashing stars and pulsing nebulas
The darkness of outer space
So beautifully contrasts the color being emitted
By all that is alight

The girl from my english glass raises her mug
Be careful, I said, it's hot
She blows on it daintily
The scene outside is gorgeous
But the girl from my english class is even prettier
And hasn't stop smiling since we left the closet
I can't help but adore how she smiles
Because her smile is brighter than any star
She could light up the entire universe with it

A few quiet minutes enjoying our view
And each others company
I lift my rocket mug to my own lips
And taste the warm bright tea
It's flavor comparable to
How lovely the sky looks

The girl from my english class sips her tea too
This is delicious she says, thank you
We sip our tea together
And we sit for some time
Sipping, smiling

Eventually
Our tea levels begin to dwindle
And we know our excursion is coming to an end
But not before a dazzling shooting star
Traces a brilliant streak through the sky
We both make a silent wish

Sipping the last of our blends
We return the mugs to the counter
And approach the cafe door
I open it, and inside it's
The storage closet we came here in
I let the girl from my english class step in first

Performing a similar technique from earlier
I fiddle with the devices of the room
A final button press sends the room shaking again
Sparks, whirrs, jolts
The chaos is only for a moment and then the room becomes still
I open the door and we are back in the physics building
On our silly little campus
On our silly little planet

Can I walk you to your car, I ask
And we leave the physics building, and side by side
We walk to the parking lot
We get to her car and I open the door for her
I had a lot of fun with you today I said
I did too she said

And she kisses me on the lips
That moment felt like the big bang

I found out then
Shooting star wishes do come true